But what about me?
Oddball Leaders set boundaries.
Last month, I presented at my first quasi-international conference, and it was also the first time I have spoken publicly on the topic of Oddball Leadership!
Leading with Love: How Joy, Belonging, Gratitude, Appreciation, and Curiosity Make Fundraising Magic Happen
(I don’t yet have the gall to entitle the presentation “Oddball Leadership: How Joy, Belonging…” But maybe someday!)
One of the things about Oddball Leadership that I wrestled with as I was putting my presentation together (and even now!) is reconciling this notion of being a fully accommodating servant leader and creating an optimal work environment in which I can be that fully accommodating servant leader.
I have to own that sometimes compromise is a must for my sake.
That sometimes I have to prioritize myself.
And that sometimes being a leader requires pulling rank for the sake of the entire team.
Maintaining a culture of belonging and psychological safety makes these instances far more palatable for anyone who might feel inconvenienced or not fully accommodated.
Also important in these instances? Maintaining a culture that values boundaries, especially in the interest of self-care, which can only help you be a more effective leader.
WHY BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT
In any group, any culture, any society — there are rules and laws that follow a generally-accepted order. While I am not one to always follow generally-accepted order, and can be a bit of a rule-bender (or breaker), boundaries play a critical role in the backbone of Oddball Leadership!
But why?
Boundaries uphold an environment of psychological safety and belonging by defining what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable behaviors on your team. They help you set expectations and inform what accountability on your team requires.
Boundaries reinforce who you are as a team leader — and serve as a reminder that those you serve are looking for you to make hard decisions and be a source of guidance, direction, and wisdom.
Boundaries promote mutual regard while allowing for individual growth. They allow us to show appreciation for one another, even as we reflect our unique selves.
Boundaries prevent burnout and even enhance your abilities as a servant leader. As much as I would love to be the person who says, “Well, I’m going to go against all conventional wisdom and put the oxygen mask on the passenger next to me first!” there’s servant leadership baked into the airplane guidance. For you to ensure others are cared for, you need to care for yourself. You can’t pour love, energy, or time into others from a cup that is empty.
WHAT BOUNDARY SETTING MIGHT LOOK LIKE FOR YOU
By this point, hopefully you realize that boundary-setting isn’t selfish; it’s necessary! And, honestly, you’re probably already doing it in your current role.
Boundary-setting doesn’t have to be hard, either. It may look like this:
Creating a five-minute gap between meetings that is free of answering emails, phone calls, or troubleshooting problems.
Scheduling meetings only on days when participants can be in the office.
Reserving the right to table a conversation that feels like it’s turning into a meeting.
Acknowledging that, even as an Oddball Leader, you cannot be all things to all people at all times, and you must allow yourself to prioritize the work you have with the expectations of your team.
Asking others “Do you have time to talk?” before just marching into their office, sitting my ass down and launching into some pontification that requires input.
These are just a few examples of reasonable, everyday boundaries.
BOUNDARY-SETTING IN PRACTICE
Earlier this year I was unexpectedly let go from my job at Catholic Charities of St. Louis — and a former employer stepped in with a job offer that was too good to be true.
But I knew it was going to be weird, mainly for the fact that I would be leading a new team, and supervising the work of people I was already friends with — certainly uncharted territory for yours truly, and weird for anyone who is a manager.
To combat the weirdness, it was important for me to immediately establish boundaries with these friends upon my return. The conditions warranted one-on-one meetings where the following boundaries were set:
As a supervisor, these are my priorities (in order): 1.) one’s health and well-being as one of my direct reports, 2.) the health and well-being of the organization, and 3.) one’s health and well-being as my friend.
These priorities are contained within the four walls of the our office — solely within the context of work.
Outside these “four walls,” my priority will always and only be one’s health and well-being as my friend.
I’d expect the same standards from my friends-turned-teammates. Setting these boundaries early has provided clarity and continues to encourage informed decision-making.
PUT ON THE FREAKING OXYGEN MASK MA’AM WE’RE GOING DOWN
As you uphold your team’s sense of psychological safety by honoring the boundaries set by your individual teammates, do not forget your own sense of boundaries.
Because boundary-setting is not cruel. It is not mean. It is not selfish.
Rather, it makes you the best, most effective human leader you can be.
