On the sleeve
Oddball Leaders show emotion. Sometimes they cry, even.
(Content warning: this post addresses the dangers of emotional suppression, and links to a 2016 study published by the National Institutes of Health that links youth mental illness and suicidal ideation with emotional suppression.)
I have always been an emotional — and emotive — person.
Unfortunately, showing emotion was not something I was necessarily encouraged to do growing up — and certainly it was not something you did in public!
I guarantee I am not alone in this — it certainly feels like, in a traditional American context, emoting is actually shameful.
We bristle at the idea of showing emotion, especially in the workplace — crying means weakness and mental instability, and happiness and enthusiasm are perceived as annoying. If nothing else, being privy to someone else’s emotions can be downright uncomfortable.
I have learned over the years that bottling up emotions instead of acknowledging and leaning into them causes far more harm than crying in front of a co-worker could ever be.
A LACK OF INVESTMENT IN EMOTIONAL CAPITAL
I’m sure you’ve heard it before: America is suffering from a mental health crisis — exacerbated by five-plus consecutive years of trauma that was the COVID era.
But who can blame us? The normalization of emotional suppression has long been known to bear dangerous consequences — especially in American youth, in this study from the National Institutes of Health in 2016.
Emotional suppression can take a variety of different forms, from simply ignoring a physiological response to an uncomfortable situation, to self-soothing with drugs, alcohol, disordered eating, and other addictions. It has mental detriments as well as physical ones. It can cause stress, anxiety, cardiovascular problems…the list goes on.
So honestly, the last place you want to be suppressing your emotions is in the workplace. We MUST flip the script on emotional suppression being standard practice at the office.
ON HAVING A MOMENT
Those of you reading this probably know that I was fired in early February from my dream job under false pretenses. Since then, I’ve found myself gainfully employed again — but the pain and anger I harbor over that decision remain.
Every day, I pray that God remove the anger from me before it fully consumes me.
I also have been known to periodically “have a moment” — crying openly and freely at my desk. Which means understanding new triggers and enduring awkward conversations with my new co-workers.
And that’s okay. That’s part of the grieving process. Life would be much worse down the line if I put these emotions on hold.
Will your co-workers understand it? Maybe. Maybe not. But it’s worth your health and sanity.
This was literally a conversation I had with a co-worker last week as I was crying at my desk:
Co-worker: Hey, I wa—whoa, are you okay?
Me: Yep. Just having a moment. *dries eyes*
*Normal conversation resumes*
I can’t say that your interactions will be this easy in the moment. I could have been far more upset. My co-worker could have been far less understanding. Or, worse, both could have been true.
But if we’re not, as Oddball Leaders, modeling healthy emotional processing, who else will?
THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN EMOTIONAL PROCESSING
As you become more attuned to working through your emotions, especially in the workplace, it’s important to remember a few key points.
To emote is human.
Don’t forget that positive emotions deserve processing in the workplace, too.
You don’t owe an explanation to anyone as to why you’re “having a moment.”
Conversely, you are not entitled to your co-worker’s time or attention when you’re “having a moment.” Don’t use your co-workers to trauma dump; they are not your emotional punching bag or your therapist. (We can have a different discussion if you’re willing to pay your co-worker $160+/hour for this service.)
BIG GIRLS DO CRY…AND THAT’S OKAY.
Remember, Oddball Leaders flip the script. We’re built different. We can do the unorthodox things for the sake of ourselves, and those we lead.
So, Oddball Leader, wear your heart on your sleeve. Cry, even. Celebrate. Laugh. Have that moment.
Be the role model the workforce needs for healthy emotional processing.
